Code yellow: Small mostly harmless insects such as ants. Get paper, crush or capture.

Code orange: Larger flying insects such as mosquitos and creepy flying ants of doom. Spray with hairspay until immobilised, crush or otherwise remove from presence.

Code red: This only applies to roaches. Panic, scream, cry, run to a safe distance while still keeping it in sight (find high ground if it is on the floor), shout for someone who isn’t afraid, mumble jibberish while they dispose of it.

Note: If there is no one to help you with a code red then attempt to keep calm and throw things at it until injured, then slam it with a broom. Clean up must wait until person without fear of the little bastard can be found.